Green Birds and Bees
by BlueBird722
Summary: Now that Gar is thirteen, it is time for someone to tell him about the birds and the bees. The question is...who?


Not long ago, my brother and I were playing with children who live beside me when their mother was looking through baby pictures and videos of her children. We had so much fun watching them, but then the little girl saw a part when her mother was pregnant, and in the video she asked how the baby got inside her. As a result, I wrote how I imagined Gar receiving the sex talk. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

The announcement brought Megan to tears, made Conner cringe, and left the Junior members snickering shamefully. Gar did not seem to care or even notice, but it was a small moment when he was watching taped episodes of his mother's TV show-it was her birthday today-that Snapper Carr looked at the Team evenly, regardless of whether they were training, finishing homework, doing research, or, for some romantic ones, making out.

Snapper cleared his throat and gave the Team an uneasy smile. "You heroes do realize that...Garfield is...thirteen-years-old, right?"

"Yes, why?" Jaime asked not looking up from his Biology study guide.

Snapper groaned. "Can I have your undivided attention, please?" he asked in a voice that reminded Conner, Mal, Karen, and Megan of their school days. His former students obediently gave him their fullest attention. Jaime looked up, Bart stopped licking his ice cream sandwich, the Bats set down their ingredients to make their weapons, and Dick crossed his arms.

"I think it is time...for Garfield...to know how...babies are...made..."

Jaime choked. Bart caught part of his sandwich in his throat. Tim's arms trembled and Barbara swallowed. Cassie's face paled and her hands gripped her lasso. Megan began shaking, Lagoon Boy threw him an 'are you serious?' look, and Karen and the others blinked. "No..." Megan protested. "Not my little brother..."

"Well," Snapper sighed, "someone has to do so..."

"I'll get him," Megan hiccuped. "But I'm not saying ANYTHING!"

"Go to it," her teacher commanded.

Megan slowly hurried to Gar's room, where she could hear the sounds of his mother's sitcom through the door. "Gar?" she knocked on the door. "Can you come out here for a few minutes?"

She could hear the sounds stop before the door opened to her little brother still dressed in puppy pajamas. The sight of that little boy in those pajamas, the little boy whose life she saved, became a blood brother to her, innocently collected souvenir...This little boy could not grow up yet!

Meanwhile, in the main room, the others stared at Snapper distastefully. "You guys need to set up a way to inform him of the 'birds and bees' for him"-

"Oh, no," Jaime interrupted. "I am not going to repeat to Gar everything my parents told me about how my sister was created."

"Ewe," Cassie moaned. "How?"

Jaime grimaced. "They gave me a book...called _Where Do I Come From?_...And then...they showed me...the different ways my sister had developed..."

"Okay, well, that was just how a baby develops," Snapper said quietly. "What about...Robin?"

Tim's eyes widen like inflated balloons, Barbara's face flushed scarlet, and Dick cleared his throat. "N...no..."

"Why not?" asked Conner.

"When...when Bats told us..." Barbara swallowed. "He...he used puppets..."

One anonymous member was mean enough to snort at this.

"Please use Karen, or Mal, or Conner or M'gann"-

"No thank you!" Karen snapped. "When we learned this stuff in Health class, all we did was just study STDs-oh God, I'll never forget that horrible video-and the stats of teen pregnancy...I skipped Health from that day on..."

"Lagoon Boy?" suggested Superboy pointing at the fishboy.

The fish boy looked around and threw him a dirty look. "Atlanteans reproduce differently than humans."

Conner smiled weakly. "Great," he hissed holding up his thumbs.

"Bart?" Cassie pointed.

Bart yelped and dashed out of the room, leaving behind a colored flash. "Oh God," Jaime laughed. "I don't know the full details of what the Flash or even Kid Flash said, but I do know that he spend the entire week in his room trying to bang the information out of his head!"

Some teammates laughed, but Cassie touched the tip of her nose. "Sorry...but the way my mother taught me...was by studying sculptures..."

Dick threw her a sick look. "Don't even ask me," he mumbled, "because"-

"You're such a dog!" Barbara interrupted with a laugh. "And no, you would never be a good sex ed teacher."

At this time, Megan walked in with an arm draped around Gar's shoulders, the boy having changed into his costume and looking at his teammates. He noticed the way they looked sympathetic at him, were either smiling weakly, or looking away. "Um, hi, guys...what's up?"

Snapper pointed to the floor. "Please sit down. Conner has something to tell you."

Superboy felt as if the ground below him has broken and he was falling.

"Is it about the time I fell asleep in your bed?"

"No."

"Ate that cake you were making for a school event?"

"Not even close."

"You caught me as a dog drinking from the toilet?"

"No way, and thanks for reminding me."

Megan swallowed and knelt down in front of the little shapeshifter. "We need to talk to you about...the birds and the bees."

Gar's eyes widen and he transformed into a bird, but Megan caught him in time.

"Why me?" Superboy hissed.

"Those little creatures things told you, right?" asked Snapper as he and the others prepared to walk away.

"Yeah, but not in the way he would understand!"

Snapper shrugged and before Superboy could move he, Megan and Gar were the only ones in the room.

Gar sat on the floor, curled his knees to under his nose, and looked up with innocent eyes. "So...what are the birds and the bees?"

Superboy cleared his throat and sighed, breathed, groaned, and raked his hair back, smiled weakly, and bit his lip. "Okay...first off, it's not so much...as birds and bees as it is about sexual intercourse"-

"Oh I know this stuff...isn't that when female humans are in heat? Or wait, does she use her mouth?"

Conner rolled his eyes and gagged. This was going to be a long talk.

* * *

Secret: As much as I love _Teen Titans, _I'm glad they did not include Cyborg, Starfire, and Raven because then I think that the fandom would have spent time comapring them to a different cartoon that's going to be ten years old soon.


End file.
